Guys!
Its been WAAAAAAY tooo long! Like almost 2 years to long. I guess life got a hold of us and we have been a bit busy!
I'm here to tell ya, I'm back and I'm gonna be blogging for the next few whatever's as we venture into our new, scary, and hopefully life changing adventure. An adventure that many/most people do not talk about, but I'm here to talk about it. I'm gonna talk about the ugly, scary, fun, and truth. I'm gonna talk so that others don't have to, and I'm gonna talk so that others know they aren't alone.
Over the past 2 years, we've experienced a few more miscarriages. No real answers why, lots of dr. appointments, lots of feeling sorry for myself and lots of mixed feelings. Lots of thinking maybe this parent gig isn't for us, but ya know the more I watch Eric with our nieces and nephews and the more time I spend with the nieces and nephews and friends kids, the more I just keep thinking that we have to be parents. We just HAVE to be.
As we entered into another summer and another year with just Eric and I, I felt a feeling of loneliness and maybe a little sadness. I really don't know if it was either, but I just knew I was looking for more. Our original thought was we'd add another Doodle. We actually put a down payment down for another one, we had him secretly named and we were ready to bring a third Doodle home in the fall. Boy that was exciting, but it wasn't really what we were looking for..... we'd love one and will eventually get another but not this summer, we have bigger things to figure out.... like maybe a little person.......
About a month ago, I went to a standard doctor appointment on a standard Wednesday and had my standard labs done. I got the same results that I get every week.... your thyroid is slow, you need to lose weight, you need to lower your stress levels, maybe we should put you on some depression meds and lets up your thyroid meds AGAIN. I was mad, I was so mad I thought I was going to put a hole through my jeep door. I drove my normal 30 minutes back to work after the appointment and I still wasn't calmed down. I just kept thinking... I know life isn't fair, but give us a break, someone at least tell us if something is wrong. Someone tell me if we are going to have kids or if we aren't. That day for some reason all of a sudden I decided that a standard doctor appointment just wasn't going to work. I was done settling. Settling for standard appointments with so so results. I was done settling with just getting another Dood. I was done settling with the "no answers". I was done. I was absolutely 100% done.
That same day I told Eric all my thoughts, fears, feelings, and he shared all the same feelings (not always easy to do, and often time just ignored because it is such a hard subject)....... fast forward almost exactly a month..... a month, boy a month goes fast. Fast forward ONE month and we have learned everything there is to know about our insurance, learned about medical codes, medicines, treatments, weird medical terms and are starting our adventure tomorrow at a specialty clinic in South Dakota.
First step, figuring out what and if anything is wrong with Eric or myself. It'll be a long day. There will be lots of tests, lots of questions, lots of needles I'm sure. We won't sleep much tonight. Too many emotions. Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking that maybe I was just kidding and maybe wanna wait a few more years, but I'm not gonna let my fears and nervousness stop this thing we seem to have started.
I'm hearing that after tomorrow we are going to be excited. It's been a long long time since we've been truly excited about something! I have butterfly's in my stomach and I know Eric does too.
Wish us luck, everyone say their prayers and stay tuned!
I truly hope that by me sharing our story it helps someone else, and gives them the courage to talk about their loss or their hopes and fears. I don't want anyone anywhere feeling alone! I also hope Eric doesn't kill me.
XO, Eric & Amy
