4 years ago in January, Eric and I lost 2 babies. I was pregnant with Twins. This was our second miscarriage. It was unexpected, it was scary and it was sad. It was mostly just sad. It was an icky icky feeling. Eric dealt with it like a champ. He was sad, but put me first. I had breakfast in bed for days. He brought me big huge 44 ounce diet Mt. dews for weeks! He took care of all my work issues while I was out. He hugged me a lot and also just sat with me a lot in silence. When I cried; he cried. When I laughed; he laughed. And when I wanted to go shopping, he didn't argue, he just said "What do you have in mind?" I knew that shopping was a temporary way of feeling better. Those of you that know me know how much I love shopping, but I also love being outside and playing in the snow. We had bought an older mountain snowmobile in 2009 for me to learn how to ride in the mountains. I was feeling like I need a new one, so we went and got one. I got a brand new mountain sled. It was mine. Not Eric's, not brother Tommy's, but mine. I picked it out, I negotiated, I picked the options I WANTED and I paid for it. I was so proud. I couldn't wait to ride it. And ride it is what I did. We rode it all winter in 2011 and 2012. We went everywhere in Colorado that we could! I loved that thing and still do. What got me thinking about this topic is that I went for a ride on my snowmobile this week. It was the first time in over a year. Where we live in Minnesota, we don't get that much snow. We only have trails to ride here mostly so Eric sold his sled to buy a shorter track sled for trail riding. We've talked about selling mine, but I just can't do it. Not only does it work in the Mountains and here, but its my first ever new sled. It makes me feel free. It makes me feel happy, and it makes me feel independent. Every time I get on my sled, I know why I bought it and I know how it helped me cope that winter. I don't want to sell it. I don't want a new sled. I may never want a new sled. I love that thing more than any other object in my life. It doesn't fix the major loss we had that winter and doesn't fill the void that we sometimes have for not having a family yet, but when I do ride it and take trips with it it makes me feel happy and alive and reminds me that life is good. So Big J.. for now I'm good with my sled. Actually I'm perfect with my sled!
I have wanted to start a blog for some time. I wanted it to be about my thyroid, my miscarriages, my hate for the dentist, how much I love big J, how much I love both my family and Eric's and talk about our old farm house. I didn't think anyone would be interested. My friend Taunja told me to start one on the #johnsonranch adventures. So I have named this blog #johnsonranch, but it will be much more than just our stories of our house, it will be a place where I can talk about many struggles us women have. Happy New Year and hopefully 2016 brings everyone joy!!!
